Katalepsis

You should watch this video:

Simple. Effective. To the Point. I want to show this to all of my students.

After the battle of the kings, Abram is feeling a little left out by God because he hasn’t been given the descendants that he was promised back in book 12 — when he was 75 years old. In a scene reminiscent of a lover’s spat, God takes action:

He took him outside and said, “Look up at the heavens and count the stars — if indeed you can count them” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” (15.5)

A few things are memorable about the passage. First, the Lord takes him outside. What’s that supposed to mean? Were they standing in the kitchen prior to Abram’s complaint? Of course, the author needs to have them outside for the “stars” comment to have its full effect. But it is still a fantastic anthropomorphism.

See the stars? Count em!

Second, God promises Abram descendants that number the countable stars, which number somewhere around 6,000, depending on one’s eyesight. Furthermore, from any spot on earth, only one-half to one-third of those are visible. Hence, as far as Abram knew, the promise doesn’t seem nearly so good. Many of us could have 2,000 descendants if we fathered a number of children. Just wait a few generations. One could argue that God knew about the true number of stars in the heavens. But he could have phrased it a bit differently to let know Abram how truly sweet the deal was.

Abram, still feeling a little undervalued, asks for proof that God will deliver on his promise. Naturally, this leads God to request:

A heifer, a goat, and a ram, each three years old, along with a dove and a young pigeon. (15.9)

Why? Why does it matter that the pigeon is young? Or that the mammals be three years old? In any case, Abram falls into a deep sleep beside the meat and God visits him in a dark vision:

Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own, and they will be enslaved and mistreated for four hundred years. But I will punish the nation they serve as slaves, and afterward they will come out with great possessions. (15.13-14)

Again…why? Why must Abram’s descendants be punished for four hundred years, enslaved by another people? Why will God wait to punish their captors until after they have been so persecuted? How about an advance on the great possessions and forego the whole “slavery” bit?

Is this supposed to be good news?

After this, God promises to give Abram and his descendants all of the land between the “river of Egypt” and the Euphrates.

Chapter 16: Hagar and Sarai: Sarai Pimps Her Slave

Chapter sixteen contains one of the juiciest stories the Bible has to offer — and that’s saying something. Once again, Abram’s wife creates a controversy. Because she is getting pretty old, combined with the fact that Abram still has no heir, she agrees to let her maidservant “give it a go”:

The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her. (16.2)

Sarai pimps her slave.

Shockingly, Abram agrees to the arrangement. After Hagar conceives, however, it goes to her head and she starts to despise Sarai. Sarai, the instigator, yells at her husband:

You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my servant in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the Lord judge between you and me. (16.5)

Actually…it’s Sarai who’s responsible. Granted, Abram should have probably kept it in his pants and trusted in God’s second promise (despite the intervening years of nothing). But rather than resolve the issue, he turns Hagar back over to Sarai, who promptly mistreats her until she runs away — requiring the intervention of an angel of the Lord. The Lord gets Hagar to return, telling her that her descendants will be many and that she should call her son Ishmael. Of course, it’s going to stink being Ishmael. Apparently, the hostility between his mother and Sarai will follow him the rest of his days:

He will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone’s hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers.

Way to look out for your people, God. If you had just given Abram a child like you promised years ago, this whole “Ishmael” incident never would have occurred. Abram is 86 years old now (16.16). The promise was at least nine years earlier. How long is he supposed to wait?

Chapter 17: Circumcision Begins

Well, to be fair, circumcision does not begin at this point. The NIV points out that its use was common in other countries, but this is the first time God decides to get in on the practice. By this time, Abram is 99 years old. He was promised descendants 24 years earlier. He has been a patient man.

In return, God renames him “Abraham” and makes his official covenant. What’s the first term of the contract?

This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised. You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you. For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised, including those born in your household or bought with money from a foreigner — those who are not your offspring. Whether born in your household or bought with your money, they must be circumcised. (17.10-13)

Why circumcision?

Apparently, God wants us to do this.

I get that it’s a definite “sign” of the covenant. But couldn’t it have been a tattoo or something? As long as we’re mutilating our bodies, why not something that involves a less sensitive area? Second of all, why is God okay with Abraham buying people from foreigners? Isn’t that slavery? I know that the Lord has been quite okay with slavery up until this point. But here it makes an appearance in his official covenant with Abraham. Shocking.

Sarai also gets a new name: Sarah. God promises, once again, to give Abraham and Sarah a child, who will be named Isaac.

Abraham is so pleased, he takes all the men out back and circumcises them. He was 99 years old when he was circumcised. The thought is revolting.