Katalepsis

As many of you know, Sarah Palin gave her resignation speech the other day, retiring as governor of the great state of Alaska. The speech, like most of her addresses, did not disappoint: it was wordy, rambling, and the overall effect was hilarious. Here is an excerpt:

And getting up here I say it is the best road trip in America soaring through nature’s finest show. Denali, the great one, soaring under the midnight sun. And then the extremes. In the winter time it’s the frozen road that is competing with the view of ice fogged frigid beauty, the cold though, doesn’t it split the Cheechakos from the Sourdoughs? And then in the summertime such extreme summertime about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter than just some months ago, than just some months from now, with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving and reminding us that here, Mother Nature wins. It is as throughout all Alaska that big wild good life teeming along the road that is north to the future. That is what we get to see every day. Now what the rest of America gets to see along with us is in this last frontier there is hope and opportunity and there is country pride.

Your guess is as good as mine what the hell that means. It appears that Palin’s speechwriter may have been one of the students I’ve had the pleasure of grading over the years. [I only kid. None of my students would have made it past the first draft with this drivel.]

You can read the full transcript of the 2300 word farewell address here or you can watch her deliver it here. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

But the purpose of this post is to highlight the excellent humor and satire of William Shatner. He appeared the other night on the “Tonight Show” with Conan O’Brien. There, he performed this section of Palin’s speech as a piece of poetry. In a word, it was hilarious.

I highly recommend watching it.

Lot Chooses Wisely, But Still Loses
After Abram is kicked out of Egypt for playing the horrible con on Pharaoh, he travels up to the Negev — a dry wasteland — with his brother Lot. They eventually land in Bethel and run into problems. Abram and Lot are becoming too rich and have too much stuff. The land will not support the both of them. Quarreling breaks out and Abram decides to settle the issue once and for all:

Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me…Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left. (8-9)

It’s a classic decision problem: you give your family member the first choice. After that, there can be no complaining when the decision turns out to be a terrible one.

Lot’s no idiot. The land of the Jordan is well-fed with water so he picks it. Little does he know that this decision would alienate himself entirely from the blessings promised to Abram. Nor did he know that he would become wrapped up in the history of Soddom and Gomorrah. Oh well…you know what they say about hindsight.

After Lot has left, the Lord promises to Abram that he and his descendants will inherit all the land he sees forever.

The War of the Kings
Some time later, Amphrael, Arioch, Kedorlaomer, and Tidal (four kings) all go to war against Bera, Birsha, Shinab, Shemeber, and Zoar. When the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah are overcome in the Valley of Siddim (full of tar pits), the four kings seize all of the goods of Sodom and Gomorrah, including Lot and his possessions.

Abram receives word of the attack and immediately forms a posse to rescue Lot from his fate. Abram divides up his men and attacks the kings’ armies at night, routing them and hunting them down far to the North.

Abraham's Victory Over the Four Kings

Abram Snubs the King’s Generosity
After Abram has defeated the armies, Melchizedek, king of Salem, blesses Abram and brings out a meal.

Abraham Meets Melchizedek, by Peter Rubens

Then the king of Sodom tries to be generous and offers Abram all of the goods he has helped seize. But Abram is a jerk and refuses the gift:

I have raised my hand…and taken an oath that I will accept nothing belonging to you, not even a thread or the thong of a sandal, so that you will never be able to say, ‘I made Abram rich’. (22-23)

Talk about being ungrateful. He could have accepted the gesture, at least in part. He didn’t have to be a martyr about it. It’s like some bad story about the self-made man.